It seems tome that I am so lost in this centre of graffiti… ….. my heart keeps on racing when there I am sitting all alone with no means of direction. Who is it that my heart is yearning for? Who/ who?.... they say, when you write down your sorrows they eventually fade and alas a sense of peace shall place its self reluctantly above thy heart. As now I am writing my heart out yet I keep on pondering on the fact that how many times shall I keep on this pace? It is like a 1500m run, at first it seems so fine I run at a phase smoothly my shirt too big; flying as I run my muscles expanding and my gasping for air increases as I accelerate, the momentum that I apply on my speed tremendously keeping my heart jovial, on the other hand my heart thumping at every step! My mouth becomes dry as I run, and keep on running to reach my destination but somehow my heart fails and stops realizing that there is no end in this 1500m run. I do not see a red ribbon horizontally awaiting to declare my wonderful victory!, and so shall I say this is how I visualize my life desperate! It was so easy to say yet at the end so damn hard to fulfill. The fire in me burning at the start seems to have washed its self away when I realized that I was imprudent of not thinking about the consequences of how it shall and will affect me later on some day. Hence , no matter how much you have to debate on my part of factual vision I and only I have a strong believe that I was young and I was injudicious of my steps of my desire of my sense of feeling that feeling that some say is hard to be washed away from ones weak heart. Yet there are so many of them who can suppress this in their wholesome hearts and go on. They are able to show this feeling out even knowing that lips of can never stay still. Ah of course they can not as god did give us this splendid lips of pink and a lining of softness to be spoken of. Our palms, skin may abrade yet our lips shall never deceive ones heart the only part of our skin organ that cannot be abrated. So shall I and only I can be whom I shall be someday. My heart tears up to see so many of them whom are so close to have this opportunity yet I never could realize how wretched my life could get suddenly I feel this feeling of frantic to go through that moment that everybody cherish that every body is wishing for! Yet my prayers seem to fail to be centralized in the prayers that I have wished for from god.
Let alone my miseries of the past that have come haunting me at every slip of my lids. At this very moment his gaze was not upon me and that is when I knew that this shall never go on. I shall forget banish this thought, this feeling I shall vaporize it as I try and try to keep my consciousness calm that this shall and will never go on as his gaze has pictured me everything that I should have seen before I made that move. All I ever wished for was for him and only him to hold my palms and say “ I love you” and when these words are being uttered I wished that he really meant it, I wish that at every point of our relationship he would see for whom am I and that I do love him as much as when this earth comes to a standstill and that the ocean now still with out a movement the signs that protrude as to tell the earthlings that a major catastrophe of beyond realization shall occur and that there is no heaven nor hell in this moment of silence. Till that very silence is broken I shall be by thy side hold your hand and breathe your last breath , sensing your warm breath feeling it penetrate this sorrowful heart and never let go. Though my heart does throb of the past infatuation the memories so far away yet the feeling still sting me everyday! Your touch seem to have stuck to me the very first time you touched me, though the thought of it now may be unappealing yet I do not ponder on why my mind has reconcile this insane memory! I have tried so hard to disregard you from my mind yet you keep on appearing like a lotus that has no choice but to stay afloat on the surface of the water even if I were to purposely allow it to be inundate into the . So did this heart of mine fail to accept that you are gone! But why? Why is it that I am unable to see some one else to accept some other one? My mind dangled and twirling at every sentence at every speech I was to utter.like wise shall I fade deep deep down in the depth of the oceans floor bed where I shall lay all eternity. It is hard to explain the fact that may sound insane. The inconvenient truth that someday our lives my end recklessly nothing but nothing of us shall be recovered!....has my words seem to put in any sense or am I just an illusion with words of no reason, time shall come and words may fade less or more of every fact shall not be the same minds and souls shall never be the same.
Slipping from thy fingers slowly,
The moon face half lit,
The ocean twirling not in me,
Alas did I find my restound laces,
Did it all stop, with silence as its aroma,
Then did I know that shall it be thy turn to fade.
Hak cipta sharanya komahan.(sktg)....im les bo
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
the nights or non.....
Its dark out there and my heart keeps on pounding fast! my blood swirling like a huge hurricane beneath this selfless figure. I keep on bumping into a staggering force my whole life seems so black and I am afraid of the shadows. I wake up every day thinking who am I and why is it that my life is so pitiful? Yet every moment slips away so fast I could not even chase after it. My steps I may seem to fade though hw soft I may skip. Why am so lost is it that my words are sense as I write? my mind keeps on going blanks though I try to spill the milk! My heart is craving for something yet all I can vomit out is blankness. I think of a new step to flourish but yet again I save it to a knowledge that I know that is of no use and that my contemplation is out of sight or of oddness I trust that fact so strongly that I keep on swallowing the truth even knowing that it is what it is and it is my rightful duty to pursue this fact! How I am ashamed of my words that so seemingly have I deceived my own thoughts even knowing how true I am! How could I be silly or how could I make such a mistake. My heart adamant though. Ego is what that should be diminished from this selfless yet ignorant soul!
Her heart all sweaty as she wrote. Her thoughts still strong of all. A cancer patient was she and though she did have time limit for her replenishment. There she goes scribbling words no such meaning. Here she wrote what that had brought tears of her kind and non- of her kind. Her mind filled with this conception. They were like golden weeds so selflessly swinging about waiting for her to pull them and place them in her white life. Alas, there she was awaiting for moments nevertheless useless yet so discouraging! altruistically her heart pounding, blood gushing in her arteries the pressure beneath her epidermis was so unreliable! Yet she wrote she bragged this stupendous story still at a point of no reason!
Somewhat did her heart bleed yet she trembled to the understanding that no matter how hurt she may be he will never come back! It was this thing in her this voice so melaculiously telling her these ideas of so and so of no answer. Mute was she not but blunt may her heart try to cry out. It is hard to forget the one you love but this time it was even much harder than she could ever think! How does age ever come in between love. Yet did her mind selflessly roam about to a destination of no such existence. Time had come when she realized that life is a battle field where blood so dremishly spill of nons content.
Did he smile of his victory when they whom quench thy trachea with blood an addiction never to be found a cure, yes did he smile upon his slaves just for that moment when yes did he call himself night. Slowly creeping like a snake of no distict! His smiles as the mighty fall to the ground when night stabbing him in the chest with a knife so moronically! Her writings would not stop till it has quenched its thirst of the fulfillment of writing out this solemn sadness which is like poison to ones life. A million years may pass but till this very moment I do not realize my duty on this petty earth I may call. My ears on the other side drumming with the melodious songs that fill my heart the only refinement that I may find in this years of sorrow! Yes my heart need some solace yet my cries are yet to be heard by non. Does beauty ever count in true love? Or am I just being superficial? The question left for non to answer but just for my heart to understand that I am in pain that has no feelings or so. Conveniently I may smile hiding the bruises and marks on my heart thudding every second.
So suddenly did I feel this tinge in my soul prickling as I may write. The past was to reveal its self like a murderer dreading his mistake feeling guilty of his heartless action against a soul so perfect yet her beauty never appreciated! He whom tries to flee yet to be caught of guard of thy action! He lets himself loose and surrenders! “ he whom has created us much about, shall not hesitate to take it of thy whom disregarding tries to make it!” just as so did my heart ponder on that fact that yes my time too shall come and so will yours. Her fingers trembling of every touch. Her heart crying out loud of her natural sin! He whom was everything but nothing to something, loved her with all his heart! How inseparable their love may be so pure like the springs that flow so exquisitely. How their romance seemed so erotic , yes they did make love yes did their breath sail as they touched how natural this sin may go further but their hearts racing to a an endless dead. His palms brushing against her seemingly soulless cadaver. There he slept by her side after the heat that their bodies may have emitted his palms wrapping her shivering soul with his. Their smiles so exquisite that no word words that I could drag out my intellectual dictionary seemed available. No words that could I have expressed any further of their intimidate relationship!
Alas what was left was the only thing left.death. was it that then a child asked? That is the end is it? Her mind speechless for a moment numb, breathless for that second. Ah yes my dear I suppose so……………her answer so seems dull but what could she have answered. She could not even feel her own child. As she whispered into her mothers ears. Her lonesome cadaver so exquisitely still on those white sheets to embraced quietly. As then did it strike her mind of her death as she lay mute on her bed with her only heritance by her side……thus did her story never was revealed as she never wrote one because as she thought in the skies of deepened life and soul did it print every voice she
Sent to it. Alas did she close the last chapter of her life.death.
He whom has all the power shall be embarked with the power of undoing it so…….
Her heart all sweaty as she wrote. Her thoughts still strong of all. A cancer patient was she and though she did have time limit for her replenishment. There she goes scribbling words no such meaning. Here she wrote what that had brought tears of her kind and non- of her kind. Her mind filled with this conception. They were like golden weeds so selflessly swinging about waiting for her to pull them and place them in her white life. Alas, there she was awaiting for moments nevertheless useless yet so discouraging! altruistically her heart pounding, blood gushing in her arteries the pressure beneath her epidermis was so unreliable! Yet she wrote she bragged this stupendous story still at a point of no reason!
Somewhat did her heart bleed yet she trembled to the understanding that no matter how hurt she may be he will never come back! It was this thing in her this voice so melaculiously telling her these ideas of so and so of no answer. Mute was she not but blunt may her heart try to cry out. It is hard to forget the one you love but this time it was even much harder than she could ever think! How does age ever come in between love. Yet did her mind selflessly roam about to a destination of no such existence. Time had come when she realized that life is a battle field where blood so dremishly spill of nons content.
Did he smile of his victory when they whom quench thy trachea with blood an addiction never to be found a cure, yes did he smile upon his slaves just for that moment when yes did he call himself night. Slowly creeping like a snake of no distict! His smiles as the mighty fall to the ground when night stabbing him in the chest with a knife so moronically! Her writings would not stop till it has quenched its thirst of the fulfillment of writing out this solemn sadness which is like poison to ones life. A million years may pass but till this very moment I do not realize my duty on this petty earth I may call. My ears on the other side drumming with the melodious songs that fill my heart the only refinement that I may find in this years of sorrow! Yes my heart need some solace yet my cries are yet to be heard by non. Does beauty ever count in true love? Or am I just being superficial? The question left for non to answer but just for my heart to understand that I am in pain that has no feelings or so. Conveniently I may smile hiding the bruises and marks on my heart thudding every second.
So suddenly did I feel this tinge in my soul prickling as I may write. The past was to reveal its self like a murderer dreading his mistake feeling guilty of his heartless action against a soul so perfect yet her beauty never appreciated! He whom tries to flee yet to be caught of guard of thy action! He lets himself loose and surrenders! “ he whom has created us much about, shall not hesitate to take it of thy whom disregarding tries to make it!” just as so did my heart ponder on that fact that yes my time too shall come and so will yours. Her fingers trembling of every touch. Her heart crying out loud of her natural sin! He whom was everything but nothing to something, loved her with all his heart! How inseparable their love may be so pure like the springs that flow so exquisitely. How their romance seemed so erotic , yes they did make love yes did their breath sail as they touched how natural this sin may go further but their hearts racing to a an endless dead. His palms brushing against her seemingly soulless cadaver. There he slept by her side after the heat that their bodies may have emitted his palms wrapping her shivering soul with his. Their smiles so exquisite that no word words that I could drag out my intellectual dictionary seemed available. No words that could I have expressed any further of their intimidate relationship!
Alas what was left was the only thing left.death. was it that then a child asked? That is the end is it? Her mind speechless for a moment numb, breathless for that second. Ah yes my dear I suppose so……………her answer so seems dull but what could she have answered. She could not even feel her own child. As she whispered into her mothers ears. Her lonesome cadaver so exquisitely still on those white sheets to embraced quietly. As then did it strike her mind of her death as she lay mute on her bed with her only heritance by her side……thus did her story never was revealed as she never wrote one because as she thought in the skies of deepened life and soul did it print every voice she
Sent to it. Alas did she close the last chapter of her life.death.
He whom has all the power shall be embarked with the power of undoing it so…….
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